Going Out in Public

Going out in public after a burn injury means having to deal with the reactions of others to your child’s different appearance. For some children, this will not be difficult. Others may have concerns. Your child will learn how to deal with the reactions of others based on how you respond (what you do and say). The following are ways you can prepare to deal with others’ reactions. Click on each item below for detailed advice on the topic.   

Prepare Yourself and Your Child

Prepare Yourself: You probably have strong feelings about your child going out in public or into new situations after their injury. Identify what worries you have, and what you might do to address these concerns. Review the Resources section of this website for suggestions on dealing with this issue. You may want to seek help from your friends, family, or health care team.

Prepare Your Child: Discuss with your child their thoughts and feelings about going out in public. Identify any concerns or questions your child might have. Offer support, reassurance, and suggestions on things to do or say. Your child will learn how to deal with the reactions of others based on what you say and do. Set a good example by using positive words and behaviors, such as:

  • Greet others with confidence
  • Speak in a friendly and assertive manner
  • Include your child in conversations when appropriate. Encourage them to lead conversations as they get older.
  • Focus on positive interactions and responses
  • Praise your child when they positively respond to new situations

Plan Responses for Questions and Reactions

Before going out in public for the first time, encourage your child to anticipate questions and develop simple responses to them. Help them to have a brief explanation ready for typical questions that might be asked. These explanations should provide reassurance to others that you and your child are okay. Prepare and use “small talk” to distract and redirect the conversation away from topics that make your child uncomfortable. Potential situations:

  • What places would you like to visit when you get home? Who should go with you?
  • I bet your friends will wonder what has happened to you. What shall we tell them?
  • Your teacher knows you were burned. She will be interested to know that you have a skin graft on your hand.
  • Would you like to visit school to meet with your teacher before going back to classes?
  • What kind of questions do you think people might ask you about your injury and hospital stay?
  • What kind of reaction do you think you will get from other children or strangers?
  • Children are curious when they see something different. Sometimes they stare. We will let them know that you were burned, but it is okay for you to play with them.
  • Adults sometimes ask a lot of questions. It is okay for you to say “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Practice in Easy and Familiar Situations

Have your child practice responses they might make in a variety of situations. Trips to the cafeteria and public areas at the hospital can be great places to start practicing. Try out responses with hospital staff or visiting friends. Take your child to familiar public places to practice. Plan your first outing by identifying familiar or favorite places your child wants to visit (store, park, etc.). It may be helpful to bring along family and friends for support.

Discuss Experiences

After a public outing or encounter, talk with your child about how it went:

  • I liked how you responded…
  • That seemed to go well when you…
  • I thought that lady looked sad when she looked at your hand…
  • I liked how you focused on what you can do….
  • Was that difficult when…
  • You seemed uncomfortable when…
  • Did that upset you …
  • Did you mind that I said…
  • Is there something you would like to do or say differently next time?
  • Is there something you would like me to do or say differently next time?

Look After Yourself, As Well As Your Child

You can best help your child by being calm, relaxed, and reassuring. Remember, take time to do fun things, relax, and enjoy being with your family and friends. If things get too stressful, try practicing positive self-talk:

  • I will be okay
  • Our family has dealt with hard things before and we will get through this too

Depending on the age of your child, there are special considerations to keep in mind when preparing them to go out in public. Click on your child’s age range below for suggestions of things you might do to help them become comfortable with the process. Since every child is different, you may find it helpful to review the advice for other age ranges as well. 

Children 2-6 Years Old

  • Put dressings, pressure garments, or splints on a doll or stuffed animal and use it to act out situations that your child might encounter.
  • Read a children’s story about a child who is reluctant to go out in public, and talk about it with your child.
  • Use the coloring book “Getting Burned, Getting Better, Going Home” to talk with your child.

Children 7-11 Years Old

  • Identify groups that your child feels more comfortable visiting to practice responses (play group, scouts, youth or church group, school clubs, sports team, etc.).
  • Look for scenes in TV shows or movies to discuss a character that was shy or afraid to go out in public. Talk about how the character handled it, and what could have been done differently.

Teens 12-17 Years Old

  • Encourage your child to keep in touch with friends while out of school so they will have support during future public outings.
  • Ask your child to name a student who they think is shy or uncomfortable in groups. Ask your child what advice they would give to that student to help them overcome their fear.
  • Identify groups that your child feels more comfortable visiting to practice responses (group of friends going shopping, school clubs, sports team, youth group, etc.).
  • Request a visit from a SOAR Volunteer and talk with the volunteer about specific concerns or questions that your child has.

Young Adults 18 Years and Older

  • Invite family or friends to visit and accompany them into public places of the hospital. Include these same individuals for visits in the home, community, school, or work environment.
  • If your young adult works outside of the home, practice what types of scenarios they might encounter with others.
  • Encourage a visit with a SOAR volunteer.

 

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